building male friendships

if you’ve been following along, you have a clearer sense of your current social support network.

for many men (and growing for humans!), the reality is that their network could be larger.

here’s a link 2023 report on the state of american men by EQUIMUNDO, a global leader in gender research and advocacy for men and boys.

being vulnerable in relationship

growing a network can be tough.

why?

one key reason is that you may fear appearing vulnerable, equating it with weakness – something traditionally viewed as unmasculine.

but here’s the thing: vulnerability is the foundation of real relationships.

it’s where connection happens.

TAKEAWAY: no vulnerability = no real relationship.

starting a new relationship?

my friend, michael eatmon, communications lead and board member at MenLiving, recently shared a great piece on the complexities of forming male friendships.

i liked it so much i wanted to pass it along.

enjoy.

I set up next to Jeff, hoping we’d pick up our pre-yoga convo where we left it last time. I met him just before last Monday’s class, and we seemed to hit it off fast. Within ten minutes, we talked about yoga, languages, and classical philosophy. We talked about wanting community, too, and I sneaked in a few paragraphs about MenLiving. This week after class, he handed me his phone so I could enter my digits.

Is it just me, or can making new guy friends feel a bit like dating? I meet someone and sense a spark of connection. I start with small talk—safe, surface-level stuff. “Does this guy like the same things I do?” I start to wonder. “Could we actually hang out . . . and maybe more than once?” I swap numbers with the guy and suggest we set up a time to get together. He seems enthusiastic, and I can feel it.

After I send the first text, a familiar nervousness sets in. I wait for his reply, hoping not to have to wait too long. I resist the urge to text again before he responds. I don’t want to scare him off before our first meetup.

Does this sound a little like middle-school dating, or am I imagining things?

It’s strange, this friend-making process, especially for a grown man. It can seem like we’re feeling each other out, testing the waters for any real friendship potential. Like with dating, I wonder whether our conversation flows easily enough for him. I wonder, too, whether he senses the same unspoken connection I do. This whole friend-making process can be risky, and it can leave me feeling exposed. Will this turn into a friendship that sticks, or will it fizzle out after a hangout or two?

Making guy friends can feel like dating to me, but there are differences, of course. Dating comes with its own stakes—romantic expectations and the rest. Friendship’s stakes might seem lower, but the desire for connection is every bit as real. I still want to be seen, heard, accepted, valued. I still want someone who’ll walk life’s path alongside me.

When a new friendship starts to form in my life, there’s an early stage of quiet excitement. I’m curious about its potential for shared experiences and heart-to-heart talks. I also feel a longing to find a guy with whom I can be vulnerable and who’ll get me as only a real friend can.

How does it feel for you when you’re stepping into a possible new friendship? Are you calm, cool, and casual about it? Or can it feel a bit like dating to you, too?

wishing you fulfilling, connected relationships,

donald