the skill of giving feedback
October 8, 2024
this week, we’re focusing on the skill of giving feedback, using a powerful tool for improving communication in any relationship: THE FEEDBACK WHEEL.
this technique is based on the work of renowned family therapist, janey hurley, and helps you share your thoughts and feelings constructively, fostering understanding and resolution.
let’s break down how to use the feedback wheel effectively.
quick note: before using the steps get permission from the other person. this sets a respectful tone and ensures the other person is ready to listen.
for example, “can i share something with you?”
4 STEPS
- DATA: share your recollection of what happened: state the facts of the situation without interpretation or judgment. for example, “the other day we had a meeting at 9am, and you arrived at 9:20am.”
- STORY: share the story you made up about it: this step involves expressing the interpretation or assumption you made about the situation, using the phrase “the story i made up in my head was…”. for example, “the story i made up in my head was you don’t care about my time.”
- IMPACT: share your feelings: honestly communicate how the situation made you feel. for example, “i felt disrespected.”
- REQUEST: share what you would like to happen in the future: suggest a constructive action that would help prevent the issue in the future. for example, “it would be helpful if you could let me know if you are running late.”
note: for each of the steps, keep it to one or two sentences.
PUTTING IT TOGETHER
here’s how it looks in a conversation:
“can i share something with you? (wait for their response) the other day we had a meeting at 9am, and you arrived at 9:20am. the story i made up in my head was you don’t care about my time, and i felt disrespected. it would be helpful if you could let me know if you are running late.”
FINAL THOUGHTS
the feedback wheel is a simple yet powerful tool for improving communication in any relationship.
by following these steps, you can share your thoughts and feelings in a way that fosters understanding and resolution, strengthening your connections and promoting healthier interactions.
remember, this is a SKILL.
you likely didn’t ride a bike the first time you tried it.
in other words, it takes PRACTICE.
wishing you meaningful conversations and thriving relationships,
