setting flexible boundaries

this time, we dive into a key relationship skill that will allow you to be effective in relationships: flexible boundaries.

setting limits and boundaries

to begin, a lot of advice on setting boundaries makes a common mistake: it confuses boundaries with limits.

there’s an important difference here: limits are external and influence other people’s behavior.

for example, “i won’t meet with your mother when she treats me like this.”

boundaries, on the other hand, are internal and influence your behavior.

i think of boundaries as your psychological skin and often use an image of an orange when explaining how they work:

your psychological boundary has two parts:

• one part (the outside of an orange skin) is protective, keeping the world from harming you.
• the other part (internal white part of orange skin) contains you, protecting the world from your reactivity.

the permeability of your psychological boundary shapes how you relate to and engage with the world.

boundaries types

here are two types of boundaries i typically see in people.

BOUNDARYLESS TYPE

these are people having too thin of a boundary: absorbing other people’s emotions or depending on others for self-worth.

WALLED OFF TYPE

people having too think of a boundary. when you’re too rigid, that protective part becomes a wall. no one can reach you.

which end of the spectrum do you trend toward?

final thoughts

i often focus on helping people build better boundaries in their relationships that are flexible. not too rigid, not too open.

you want boundaries that keep you protected and connected at the same time.

the good news is you can ​learn to build better boundaries,

when you create flexible boundaries for healthier relationships , you’ll have more meaningful relationships and feel a greater sense of inner peace – staying connected to hose you love without being swept up or shut down by moods or opinions.

wishing you flexibility,

donald