let’s talk about your system.
here’s the takeaway: your system is more important than your results.
a major problem men face (with our linear and goal-directed minds) is that we get too focused on the results.
the truth is that success is found in the process.
in other words, it’s in your system.
where are you headed?
one of the five methods i focus on in my work, and life, is mission.
- gives your system direction
- defines how you get there
- maintains your trajectory
think about a plane that flies from los angeles to new york city, if the trajectory is off by 1 degree, that plane ends up in boston.
here’s another example i see with my clients all the time:
let’s say your relationship is “off”, even by one degree.
your partner or wife appears more disinterested, perhaps they seem a little more distracted lately.
to address this you surprise her with a date night (which she has likely suggested in the past…)
this turns out to be a win because she has a really great time, and so do you.
before long, however, she’s back in the same place, and so are you…
the issue here is that her disinterest or distractibility in the relationship isn’t from a lack of date nights, it’s from something more fundamental, like disconnection.
in this example, we need to focus on “connection” verses date nights.
you need to build a system that makes sure your decisions are targeting the underlying need of “connection”, instead of trying to solve the more superficial problem of your wife being dissatisfied with a lack of date nights – the latter is too narrow.
play the long game
a mission is great way to have long-term vision.
i would recommend you start by simply writing a mission statement.
or if that’s too much, just identify your top three core values and review them often – this will allow you to elevate your values on a regular basis and make sure your system is set on course.
or my personal favorite – write your own eulogy and review it periodically.
i read my eulogy as a part of my morning routine (couple times a week) to ensure my system is aligned. it lets me know if i’m off course and helps me clarify and recalibrate, often.
a eulogy also enhances motivation and engagement – bonus.
regardless of what you choose to do, defining your mission is a critical component of any effective system.
and focusing on your system over your results is how you get it done.
like coach bill belichick once said, “the score will take care of itself.”