the importance of support networks

let’s talk about support networks – specifically, something that might be going wrong if you are in a committed relationship: overburdening your partner.

i’ll mention this happens in non-romantic relationships as well, like close friends and/or family members, but it’s something i see A LOT in my couples work, which is why i’m writing about it!

in my experience, in a heterosexual couples, it’s most likely the “man” who is overburdening his partner.

to be clear, im not saying you are a burden – im saying the way you lean on others might feel like a burden to them.

common problems with support networks

there are two patterns i routinely see when it comes to support networks:

1. insufficient support: you’re network is too small to meet all your needs.
2. misapplied support: you’re trying to get your needs met by the wrong people. for example, venting all your stress on a friend when a therapist or coach might be a better fit.

i’ve dealt with this myself.

there was a time when i shared most of my stress – about work, family, life direction – with my wife.

being the supportive person she is, she listened, but over time it began to weigh on her.

PLUS, it took away from the fun things we could’ve been doing together.

why did i lean so much on her?

simple.

my support network was too small.

the benefits of a bigger support network

now, i still share some stress with her, but i’ve also built up a support system that includes a therapist and a handful of close men i can turn to when i need to work through some shit.

this has been a game-changer for me.

i get to work through my stress in a healthy manner, my wife isn’t weighed down by my problems, we’re happier together, and i feel more connected to my friends.

not to mention, expanding my network has opened up a lot of new possibilities.

it’s a win for everyone involved.

who’s in your network?

now it’s your turn.

take a few minutes today to think about who’s in your support network.

make a list.

i recommend having at least five people you feel comfortable going to with personal stuff.

that’s all for now.

next week, we’ll dig a little deeper,

donald