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difficult moments

June 19, 2023

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coming at you with a skill today. 

this is a skill that i use a lot in moments of difficulty. 

i like it because it’s a distilled down version of pretty much all the other skills that i talk about.

and because it’s so universal, it’s a great skill to practice and become really familiar with. 

the skill is known as a AVP (not to be confused with the association of volleyball players).

AVP stands for acknowledge, validate and permission.

let’s walk through an example real quick: 

imagine you hear (and feel) some sad news.

ACNOWLEDGE

“i’m feeling sad”, or “i notice my thoughts are sad” 

VALIDATE

“there’s a reason i feel sad (or ‘my thoughts are sad’)” 

  • note: THE REASON DOES NOT MATTER. this is where we get tangled up in our own shit – don’t get “caught in the weeds”. the assumption is there IS a reason. period. that’s the truth, and its good enough to move on to the last step of permission.

PERMISSION

“it is okay to feel this way” (or “it’s okay” or “it belongs”)

so acknowledging your thoughts and feelings, validating there’s a reason you are having these thoughts and feelings, then giving yourself permission to have them.  

that’s it. works in any situation, with any experience. 

now, what you do next is another topic altogether (answer: aligned action) but that’s another video.  

AVP IS THE CRITICAL FIRST STEP IN WORKING WITH ANY DIFFICULTY.

BONUS

the AVP steps have some powerful qualities baked in, like kindness, forgiveness, and compassion, to name a few. 

that means the more you practice AVP the more you are practicing the foundational skills of more complex processes, like grieving and forgiving. 

not to mention, you’ll begin to see a change in your relationship with yourself.

and as you become kinder, more forgiving and more compassionate toward yourself, you’re going to naturally extend that to other people.

and better relationships equal a better life.

sounds like a worthwhile snowball. 

stay on it.

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