intimacy

September 24, 2024

in a previous newsletter about sex, i referenced “domains of intimacy”.

this week, i want to revisit this topic because it’s important you understand that intimacy comes in many forms – not just sex.

in my work with men, it’s common to hear many guys equate intimacy with sexual activity.

but intimacy is more than sex.

intimacy is a sense of closeness where you can openly share thoughts, emotions, and experiences with another person across multiple aspects of your life.

five dimensions of intimacy

here are five dimensions of relational intimacy i often reference from Terry Real’s work:

intellectual

sharing and exchanging inner thoughts and ideas in a respectful manner.

emotional

creating a safe space to share all emotions—fears, joys, sadness—respectfully and compassionately.

experiential

engaging in shared activities and supporting each other’s individual pursuits.

sexual

respecting physical touch and sexuality through meaningful, consensual interactions.

spiritual

supporting each other’s sense of purpose and beliefs, whether religious or personal.

ACTION ITEM: take a moment to reflect on each domain.

rate yourself using the scale below based on your current or last romantic relationship”

1 = inadequate
2 = seldom/challenging
3 = reasonable
4 = consistently strong
5 = outstanding

for instances, how well do you share and receive emotional intimacy?

share: 1-5
receive: 1-5

consider discussing your scores with your partner if you’re in a relationship, or reflect on them for your personal growth.

this self-assessment can help you identify areas of strength and opportunities for growth in your relationships.

here’s a worksheet to support your process: intimacy inventory.pdf

FINAL THOUGHTS

intimacy goes far beyond sex.

building intimacy is an ongoing journey that requires effort, empathy, and a willingness to evolve.

remember, the goal is not perfection but continuous improvement and deeper connection.