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ownership

February 17, 2023

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in this edition of MAN WISDOM i want to talk about ownership. 

this past week, i’m working with a guy and his wife essentially wants out of the relationship. she says she is done with the relationship. 

my client does what lots of us do when we’re facing major life issues, and this is a quote, “i do what i can and then i let it go.” in other words, he prepares and and then he waits. he called a lawyer, considers the plan for child custody, his living situation, reviews his investments, and then he waits.

here’s the problem with that: he stopped taking action. 

inaction is a problem

when you fail to take action you essentially put yourself into a powerless position. it’s a victim position. in this case, my client has a plan, so it feels engaged, but then he waits for everything to start happening. not engaged.

when we wait for things to happen we automatically put ourselves into a powerless position and can start breeding things like resentment, anger, unforgiveness and regrets.

the solution is to take ownership for your life. 

ownership is this act of taking back the power. 

it involves a conscious decision to no longer put our life in the hands of another person or in the hands of fate. with this decision, we you create agency. 

this mental choice becomes a mindset and shifts us into a position where things are no longer happening to us, but they’re happening for us.

from this position we can also step back and see how these challenges are a chapter of a larger journey. one way I help clients develop ownership is by inviting them to write a eulogy, or even just the chapter of this particular portion of the story. in the chapter of divorce, or job loss, or some other major life event, you can write the worst case scenario and how you overcame it. you write it like you are becoming the hero of the story. 

craft your narrative. 

with this story in mind you can begin to execute and take action. that is, take ownership. when you do this you are likely to be pleased with the outcome no matter how it goes, and as a bonus, you are going to minimize anger, resentment, unforgiveness, regrets.

like goethe said,

“in the book of your life, you don’t have any control over the story, just your character.”

so don’t focus on what’s happening to you. focus on your character and how you are meeting hardship. focus on how you are going to navigate this difficult challenge in your life.

take ownership by seeing yourself as the cause of everything in your life.

take responsibility for it. 

write your story. 

execute it. 

be proud.

wishing you well, 

donald

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  1. Hi Donald, Ownership! Yes, get a grip and stop blaming everybody else, mainly HER. My way of existing and dealing with problems was to be passive and accepting. The trouble is this only works until the fermenting resentment bursts out and creates mayhem. That’s me! I suppose acknowledging this is Step 1 towards making changes.
    Thank you Donald for this reminder. A great starter for Man Wisdom.

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